Daily Newspaper and Travel Guide
for Pecos Country
of West Texas
Tuesday, February 3, 2004
By Smokey Briggs
Why the Super Bowl
Okay, I am mad.
halftime show ticked me off
I am mad at network television.
Most particularly I am mad at the producers of the Super Bowl halftime show.
Here is why.
This year an unknown creative genius created a halftime spectacle worthy of the Greek gods of old.
It was a spectacle combining all of the greatest characteristics of this species called man.
Here in one package was the summation of what it is to be man.
Am I talking about the halftime show put on at the stadium where they actually played the Super Bowl?
I am talking about the Lingerie Bowl.
For those of you who live under a rock, the Lingerie Bowl was a game of 7 on 7 tackle football played by good looking gals in garters and not much else.
It just doesn’t get better than that.
It was on a pay-per-view deal.
Alas, I missed it.
I have young daughters, and more importantly, a wife.
Somehow She-who-must-be-obeyed felt that me cheering for scantily clad super models in their undies would give Ruby and Carson the wrong idea.
So, I watched the Super Bowl, halftime show and all, and missed the greatest television event in the history of Western civilization.
So, there I am half-paying attention while a bunch of way-overpaid pop stars do stupid stuff between the first and second half when Ruby says, “Daddy, what are they doing?”
I look up and Janet Jackson and some wimpy looking guy were singing.
Well, I guess they were singing.
Mostly what they were doing was gyrating.
Very close to one another.
Suggestive implies some subtlety.
There was nothing subtle about any of it.
Later I was informed by someone who can interpret what these people call singing that the song was titled, “I’m going to get you naked by the end of this song,” or something like that.
Well, it was true to form.
At the end, the wimpy looking guy pulls the girl’s top off.
Now this all happened in a matter of seconds.
I flailed around looking for the remote since I would rather not explain any of this to my girls.
Why is it that at times like that the remote control is hidden beneath the couch and you are incapable of remembering that there really is an on/off button on the television?
It was too late anyway.
So, I got to do a fair amount of explaining, and SWMBO came up with a few creative reasons why that poor girl’s top might have fallen off accidentally.
But, here is what really ticks me off.
I was trying to do the right thing.
In the process I missed what had to be one of the first class athletic competitions of all time.
It turns out that my sacrifice was for nothing.
I could have been watching the Lingerie Bowl. Fourteen super models playing tackle football in lace could not have been anymore damaging to the minds of my girls than what took place on the stage during that halftime show.
Maybe there will be a rematch next year.
If there is I will be playing it safe during halftime. We will be watching the Lingerie Bowl. At least I know what to expect.
And I have 12 months to come up with good explanations of why 14 girls playing football in there underwear is cool.
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York M. "Smokey" Briggs, Publisher
Division of Buckner News Alliance, Inc.
324 S. Cedar St., Pecos, TX 79772
Phone 432-445-5475, FAX 432-445-4321
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