Daily Newspaper and Travel Guide
for Pecos Country
of West Texas
Tuesday, Feb. 11, 2003
By Smokey Briggs
I propose "Nato-light"
So, France, Germany and Belgium are not willing
to commit to helping Turkey in a scenario where Iraq
attacks Turkey in retaliation for Turkey supporting the
U.S. against Iraq.
All three claim that to voice their support would be
a step toward war _ no matter that they are bound by
treaty and honor to come to the aide of a brother member
Well, I have a solution for France, Germany and Belgium along with any other member of NATO who
is getting squeamish about honoring that treaty.
I call my solution "Nato-light," _ just like NATO
but not as filling.
Nato-light will consist of all the countries that
are currently in NATO except the U.S.
Of course the military capabilities of Nato-light will
be slightly degraded. Today, NATO commands the
most powerful military machine in the world. Nato-light
would command the equivalent of two-dozen spoiled
children with sticks and popguns.
So, when the next deranged dictatorial
megalomaniac which the European love of socialism/communism
seems to breed raises his head and declares he is the
great-grandson of Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin and heir to
all that was theirs, Nato-light can take care of the problem.
When Nato-light is finished, we can call up the
new Grand Ruler of Europe and cut a deal _ kind of the
way Stalin and Hitler did with Poland in 1939.
"Lets see. Gee Mr. Evil, there are a few countries
we would like to keep:
"Greece _ We keep. The food is fair and belly
dancing is cool.
"Italy _ You get. Nothing worthwhile has come out
of Italy since Cicero and Pizza. Cicero is dead and we
make better pizza here.
"Poland _ Where is Poland? You keep it.
"Denmark _ Good cheese but not as good as
Wisconsin. You can have it.
"Finland _ We keep. Anyway, the Finns have a
history of not being conquered. You don't want to try.
"Bosnia and the rest of the Balkans _ We'll pay you
to keep it. Let's say we throw France in and you keep both.
"Czechoslovakia _ We'll keep it. They make some
very nice rifles there and the pastries are really good.
"France _ Never mind. Already got rid of that
"Germany _ Budweiser makes good enough beer.
You can have it.
"Spain _ Is Spain still a country?
"Portugal _ Something good comes from there but
I forgot what it was. But we'll keep it.
"Belgium _ Who cares?
"England _ Bunch of socialists who cannot cook.
You keep England and we'll keep Ireland and Scotland _
at least both have long histories of resisting
tyranny, especially English tyranny. Both make better beer
than the English too.
"There are probably a few more little countries
over there. How about you keep them and we'll take 20
percent of the Gross National Product _ just send us a check
at the end of the year.
"Nice doing business with you Mr. Evil. By the
way, just in case you get any ideas about your own
abilities because you managed to walk through Nato-light in
a week _ we are not Nato-light. We are the country
that whipped all of your grandfathers after they had
whipped Nato-light the first time.
"If you mess with us, we will do the same thing
and this time we have bigger bombs.
"Just send the check.
"Oh, and please send our regards to the leaders
of Germany, Belgium and France at their new digs in
the concentration camp."
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York M. "Smokey" Briggs, Publisher
Division of Buckner News Alliance, Inc.
324 S. Cedar St., Pecos, TX 79772
Phone 915-445-5475, FAX 915-445-4321
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