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Friday, February 2, 2007

Smokey Briggs

Sage Views

By Smokey Briggs

Dwarves, abortions
and cake

“You cannot have your cake and eat it too,” Granny used to say.

Well Granny, you were wrong - at least when it comes to American political thought.

This week’s recipe for mental wrong-headedness requires the following ingredients: A couple of dwarves, abortions, and a big helping of stupidity.

You have to start with the dwarves.

Apparently, there is a legal/ethical battle going on in our country regarding the right of two dwarves to genetically alter their unborn child so that he will also be a dwarf. Without a doctor stirring the kid’s genetic soup, it’s a coin toss that the kid could wind up normal or a dwarf. What is funny is that many confessed liberals apparently oppose their choice.

Now, I have to admit, that my first reaction was similar. If you asked me, “Hey Smoke, you want to be a dwarf or regular sized?” I would probably pick regular. But, I’m a conservative (not the same thing as a Republican, by the way).

Nobody has shown me any evidence that being a dwarf is even a small advantage in this world.

And, being a father, I want my kids to have advantages - not disadvantages. I want my offspring to eat your offspring for lunch (figuratively speaking). I want them to be faster, stronger, and smarter. What dad does not?

Apparently, dwarven dads (and moms), or at least a couple of them.

However, if you are a liberal, you simply cannot be opposed to this choice. By definition, as a liberal in today’s political landscape, you support abortion - as it was legalized by the Supreme Court in Roe vs. Wade.

I have always enjoyed the legal reasoning in that case, which found that women have a Constitutionally protected right to slaughter the fruit of their loins in the first couple of months after conception.

Having read the Constitution numerous times, I still have not found the “Killing a baby is okay clause,” but apparently the Supreme Court did, and still does.

I assume the clause is written in invisible ink only visible to lawyers.

The reasoning in this case is the foundation to my argument that Supreme Court justices should never be lawyers.

Anyway, if you support abortion, then how can you have a problem with a little bit of pre-birth genetic stirring?

Surely choosing to have a dwarf is no less cruel than simply offing an inconvenient kid?

At least the dwarf parents want their child, and care enough to pay somebody to diddle with his genetics.

If you like the idea of Constitutionally protected abortion, you simply cannot have a problem with this.

If you do, Granny would have a few words regarding your logic - “You cannot have your cake and eat it too.”

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