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h4>Friday, September 5, 2008 Smokey Briggs

Sage Views

By Smokey Briggs

Solving the root problem
of American politics

I have hit upon a solution to the problem that is the root of this country’s illness, and no, I’m not talking about the national fashion trend of outfitting obviously out of shape people in jogging suits and running shoes.

I am not talking about gun prohibition vs. the Second Amendment, pro-life vs. pro-death, eminent domain, judicial activism or the FCC’s resemblance to vestigial mammary glands on a male pig.

Those are symptoms of the disease.

What I am talking about is our complete lack of choice in elections.

Uncle Joe Stalin reportedly said, "Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything."

If Uncle Joe had been a resident of Washington, D.C., instead of Moscow, his words would have read thus: “I don’t care who votes so long as I get to pick the candidates.”

And that is the real disease of American politics.

Obama and McCain are nearly twins separated at birth – one raised by left-wing socialists and the other raised by right-wing socialists.

Voting for either candidate is like choosing between cheap bourbon and cheap wine.

Either way, nothing good can come from it, and your head is going to hurt in the morning.

The truth of the matter is that they are two sides to the same worthless coin.

One promises to pillage and steal from one group of Americans, while the other promises to plunder and rape the other half of the country.

As people have advised me in every presidential election since I cast my first vote from the barracks at the Marine Recruit Depot in San Diego, I am being advised to vote for the lesser of two evils in this presidential election.

Well, that is the problem. What is the point in voting if both choices are bad? What if I don’t want to be plundered, but don’t want to plunder any of my fellow Americans either?

I have come to the conclusion that voting under these circumstances is a terrible thing – that doing so only encourages these illegitimate children. But I think I know how to fix the problem.

Anti-trust. And I am not referring to what happens when a man and woman get married.

What I am referring to is the gobs of so-called anti-trust legislation that our elected officials have created over the past 100 y ears.

Anti-trust, while supposedly meant to protect the lowly consumer from evil monopolies, is really just another stick in the government’s bag of clubs that it hands out to successful lobbyists to whack their enemies with.

If you do not believe me go examine all the knots on Bill Gates’ head.

So, I’m going to lobby the government to force both the Democratic and the Republican parties to quit hogging the election platform. Obviously these two parties are the Microsoft of the political world, and need some competition. It would be good for us consumers, right?

I know – the government is filled with Democrats and Republicans so why would they help bust up the Democrat/Republican monopoly on national politics?

Because, Democrat or Republican, they are politicians. That means they can be bought — I mean lobbied. That means, all I have to do is show up with enough loot, and they will willingly sharpen the knife that will slit their own throat on Thursday, for some lobby-money on Tuesday.

And I would be willing to spend the money on Tuesday, just to vote for someone who is not the lesser of two evils on Thursday.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Smokey Briggs is the editor and publisher of the Pecos Enterprise. He can be emailed at:

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